Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
