Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
