I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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