took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize