take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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