apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
