I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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