Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
