watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
