He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm always down for nudity.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
