Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
