Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
