oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
