oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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