Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
