And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
