Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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