i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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