I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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