im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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