Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
