This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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