I think I am morally bankrupt
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize