Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If that was your dad, he is hot
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
