Apparently you make a good broom.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
ok first of all what the fuck
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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