2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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