his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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