I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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