I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
