they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
