Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
