And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
