??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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