That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
