i barfeds in our rink
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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