It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize