bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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