Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
