with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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