Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
