He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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