peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
