like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
