why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
