sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
