In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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