i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
