we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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