Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
