i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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