i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
