Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
