You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
