ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
did i just pee glitter
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
