found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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