Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
