What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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