lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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