Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
