Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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