one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
PANTIES FOUND
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