Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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