remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
