i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ketchup is God's man juice
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
