It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize