exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
