Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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