i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
