so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize