Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
