I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
