I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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