just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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