these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
