Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
no you cant smoke seaweed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
