I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
handjob tips. give me some.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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