I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
