Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
