Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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