Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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